When Should I Wean My Baby?
Weaning is part of every single nursing experience, and there are so many opinions on the best time to do it!
Breastfeeding is a relationship, and like all relationships, both parties need to be happy and want to continue. With that in mind, I believe that the very best time to wean is when either you OR your baby are ready.
According to Biocultural Anthropologist, Kathy Dettwyler, "most children stop breastfeeding by themselves between three and five years, if allowed to nurse as long as they want."
But what if you don’t want to nurse for 3 to 5 years? What if you’re pregnant or have a medical reason to stop or you’re just ready to be done? Then that’s a perfectly good reason to stop too.
Whenever the time comes when you or your baby feel ready, then it’s the perfect time to wean!
What if you don’t want to wean but are feeling pressure to stop nursing?
Here are some common reasons for weaning, and why they don’t necessarily mean you NEED to wean, if you aren’t ready to.
My Sister/Best Friend/Mother-in-law/Neighbour’s Cousin Thinks It’s Time to Wean
If your family’s opinion means a lot to you, it can be uncomfortable to go against it. For some, what other friends' or family members have done or suggest you do is a good enough reason to wean at a certain age. If that’s you, then great — it means it’s the perfect time for you to wean.
That said, your nursing relationship is between you and your child. If you’d like to continue nursing, you don’t have to wean, just because you’re getting pressure from others.
Still, these comments can get uncomfortable, and it’s normal to be bothered by them.
You can deal with negative comments by having a few pre-planned answers ready to go for when you need them.
Some good responses might be:
“I’m happy to keep nursing, and my milk provides my baby with comfort, nutrients and antibodies as long I continue, so I don’t see why I should stop.”
“The worldwide average age of weaning is between 2-7 years old, so we’re still good.”
“My doctor said it’s fine.”
Or you could avoid these comments all together, by avoiding nursing in their presence or discussing breastfeeding with them.
Can I Breastfeed While Pregnant?
While nipple stimulation (i.e. nursing) releases oxytocin and can bring on or strengthen contractions, there is no evidence that breastfeeding through pregnancy brings on preterm labor or any other complications, in a low risk pregnancy.
Anecdotally, I nursed round the clock when I was pregnant with my second and she had to be forcefully evicted at 42 weeks, just like her big sister.
Furthermore, you don’t need to worry about your older baby taking nutrients from the baby you’re gestating, as the baby in-utero gets “first dibs” on nutrients and everything they need to grow.
Of course, if you find breastfeeding during pregnancy uncomfortable, if you'd like to avoid tandem nursing, or you’d just rather stop, then that's good reason to stop! Remember, if you feel ready to wean, that always means it’s a good tome to wean.
But if you'd prefer to continue, it's likely safe to do so.
This is usually not an area of expertise for most Ob/Gyns, so your doctor may advise weaning, but it’s always okay to get a second opinion ordo more research. The book Adventures in Tandem Nursing has a lot of great information on nursing through pregnany and deciding whether or not you’d like to tandem nurse, once your baby arrives. The Facebook groups Pregnant and/or Tandem Breastfeeders and Tandem Nursing are both great resources, full of other moms who are nursing or have nursed through pregnancy.
I Need Medication or Surgery — Is It Safe to Keep Breastfeeding?
Most doctors don't receive sufficient education on lactation to know whether every medication they prescribe is compatible with breastfeeding, so many err on the side of caution and recommend weaning.
If you or your baby are ready to wean and you're happy to use this as an opportunity to do so, great! Go for it, it’s the perfect time!
But if you'd rather continue breastfeeding, it's likely that you can! Many medications, and even undergoing surgery and general anesthesia, can be compatible with breastfeeding. Alternatively, your doctor may be able to prescribe a similar medication or treatment that is compatible with breastfeeding.
Also, there’s usually no need to pump and dump for 24 hours, though this is often recommended. You may just need to wait a few hours or so before you can resume breastfeeding.
To find out whether a medication is compatible with breastfeeding or if pumping and dumping is necessarily in your case, the InfantRisk Center is a great hotline that you can call for more information on medication and breastfeeding. LactMed is another great resource.
In some cases, there are medications and treatments that are absolutely necessary, and truly not compatible with breastfeeding. If you’re in this position, it’s okay to allow yourself to grieve the loss of breastfeeding and of weaning on your own timeline. No matter how long you nursed your baby, you’ve done an amazing job, and it’s totally reasonable to either feel relieved or sad that it’s over.
Is My Baby Getting Too Old to Nurse?
Probably not! The worldwide average age of weaning is between 2-7 years old, so from a physiological view, most children can nurse for as long as they want without getting “too old” or outgrowing the benefits.
Breastmilk continues to be nutrient dense and rich in antibodies as long as it’s flowing, and actually becomes more concentrated as you produce less! You’ll continue producing milk as long as you keep removing it by nursing.
The book Mothering Your Breastfed Toddler is a great resource and you can connect with mothers nursing past infancy in the Facebook group Breastfeeding Older Babies and Beyond.
Again, this is a personal decision and totally up to you. How do YOU feel about nursing a child your little one’s age? It’s less about your child being too old to nurse and more about how long you’re comfortable nursing.